there are some things that are very hard to do in ones life. watch a loved one die, sit in a funeral parlor and greet people while what you really need to do is take care of yourself and be left alone. Go and dig a hole in which to put your brothers ashes. The last is what I did yesterday. I've never been to the house and garden where he worked. It is breathtaking. We put him out near the witches castle. I may post a photo of the castle. its kind of neat. right now I'm trying to figure out how to make goulash. ????